Here’s a List of Stuff I was Thinking about Tonight

Here’s a list of stuff I was thinking about tonight:

1. I am extremely fortunate that I have someone BIG to look out for me.

2. Just because a book is published does not mean it’s popular or good

3. I have a lot of time to make up for the years lost

4. I need to develop this niche I’ve found

5. I want to write Christian science fiction, but good Christian science fiction – there are very limited amounts of this in the public today

6. I want to help change the world, starting with the culture I live in

7. People who know how much I work don’t think I work that hard, just a lot; people who think I work a lot think I work a lot harder than I probably do; people who think I can do it all don’t see the insomniac hours I have at night

8. Everything has a foundation and everything starts coming together usually at about the same time

9. Freaking out about how someone has something I don’t doesn’t help me get it

10. I need to work smarter, not harder, and have more faith in what I do do

11. I need to write more. People think I write a lot as an author, but I don’t as much anymore. I used to a lot, and I need to get back to that.

12. I need to have more trust in God, especially when it comes to money.

13. I hate money. It is like a fickle lover that you do all this stuff for and then you get it and then all of a sudden it’s gone and complaining about how you need to do more work to get it back and it keeps doing this over and over and over and you’re none the wiser

14. I need to be more true to myself and stop hating myself so much. That’s hard. Most of my humor is self-deprecating.

15. They say if you want to find yourself you will lose yourself. I need to try that out more. You’d think I would, because it is paradoxical and ironic, both of which I love!

16. Everyone is on facebook until I show up and want to chat

17. People make things a lot more complicated but if they didn’t I wouldn’t have anything to complain about and I might actually feel guilty for doing the same back

18. It is better to be honest than lie, but no one wants to hear the truth

19. It is not the jeans that make your butt look fat, it is the fat that makes your butt look fat

20. I love my son and my daughter. They are so precious. Seeing them enjoy so much about life makes me less cynical I think.

21. I love my family.

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22. I must have a perfectionism complex that says I need to be better than everyone else when it is something I desperately want.

23. I grew up feeling invisible among my peers. I don’t want to keep it that way. I want to stop being afraid to be myself. Forever.

24. I never want to stop being funny. It is a great way to get attention!

25. I never want to stop writing and publishing my novels. It is too important to who I am for me to stop, even if it does drive me crazy sometimes.

26. If you knew you would not fail, what one thing would you choose to do? I’m thinking…only one thing?!!!

27. Sometimes I think the devil is a woman. Women tend to give me more problems than men. Is it because of my gender or the opposite? Not sure.

28. I need to be more disciplined. I’m really just writing for the fun of it now and I can’t keep a topic in my head longer than a few moments. Sad in my book. I make fun of ADD/ADHD people. Probably because I feel like one some days, and I have self-deprecating humor.

29. I want to make this list an even number, a logical number, but I think I am running out of topics.

30. I don’t pray enough to feel good about my faith, but if I try to pray harder even though I don’t want to all the time, I don’t feel any better anyway. I suppose I just need to think of how God has provided for me and has promised me so much.

31. I think about myself WAY too much, but it is something that is interesting to me and I know a lot about it so I think it will be hard to stop.

32. If I had any regrets, most of them are about things people I know didn’t do rather than what I didn’t do.

33. I feel awkward with my peers because I don’t think they really care but they still want to know everything.

34. ‘Big Brother’ from 1984 could’ve been a therapist. Or a stalker. I would’ve named him…Joe. I suppose. Not sure why. Maybe because of the caffeine addiction?

These are some of the things I’ve thought about tonight. Some are truths, some are quips, some are random, some are purposeful.

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